What follows is the first of a series of three lessons from a marriage seminar held recently in the Houston International Church of Christ.  The remaining instalments will be posted later in the week. 

Christian men know that God wants them to love their wives. But what does that really mean on a day-to-day basis? How can men show love to their wives in practical ways every single day of their lives?

Effective Communication

First, men need to start with daily communication. Because men and women communicate differently, men can think they are communicating effectively with their wives when they really are not. Communicating with one's wife is something that often requires self-sacrifice. For instance, when a man walks into his house, he needs to leave work behind. That means no rummaging through his briefcase to find that report he needs to go over one last time, no rehashing in his head about that deal he made with a not so reliable client, no more calls to the office. Instead, he should focus on his wife. Ask her how her day was. Give her a kiss and a hug. See if there is anything he can do for her. Just asking her if she would like a drink of water can make a big difference in her response to him.

Now, just because a man needs to leave his work at the office, doesn't mean he can't talk about it when he gets home. In fact, that's one of the most important aspects of communicating. He should talk to his wife about all sorts of things. These things include his job, his quiet times, his struggles, the special times he has shared with his friends, etc. He also needs to do more than just summarize these events. He should verbalize his feelings about them. He may actually have to practice saying things like, "I'm really frustrated at work." "I don't feel like we're following through with the goals we set." or "I was so grateful for the way you handled that with the kids. I think you're a really good mother."Men should talk about both the positives and negatives in their lives, and they should encourage their wives to do the same. One of the biggest ways a man can encourage his wife to communicate is by showing her that he is listening to her. He can do this by asking her questions, practicing good eye contact, and responding to what she says. His responses don't always have to be about giving advice. Verbal cues like, "I see your point." and "What happened next?" can make a woman feel truly acknowledged.

Compromise

Men must also learn to compromise with their wives. Ephesians 5:21 emphasizes the importance of men and women submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. This means there will be times when it is necessary for a man to joyfully practice self-denial. For example, a man can show genuine love for his wife by shopping with her, cooking for her, even watching the kids to give her some time with her friends. These acts of service show the woman that her husband cares enough about her to be involved in her life and meet her needs.

Affection

The next thing that men must make sure they do is show loving affection toward their wives. This means that they need to spend time just cuddling, caressing, and comforting them. Men should start in the morning by telling their wives that they love them. These words of adoration should be accompanied by hugs and kisses. In addition, men need to make sure to compliment their wives every day, buy little things for them every now and then "just because", and constantly communicate their gratitude for them.

Spirituality

Every man who intends to follow Christ should see his wife as God's daughter. God has given his daughter to him in marriage. God commands that His sons nurture and care for His daughters.Caring for God's daughter requires quite a bit of effort. Besides telling his wife that he loves her, a husband should also be committed to helping her stay in touch with her Heavenly Father. This means working as a team when it comes to praying, studying the Bible, fellowshipping, and evangelizing. It also means finding creative ways to strengthen his wife's walk with Christ daily. Hebrews 3:12-13 commands that Christians encourage one another every day so that their hearts remain full of faith and love.

Conflict Resolution

Another way a man can make sure that his spouse remains open to his and God's love is to have a conviction that he and his wife will not go to bed with unresolved issues. If a man makes sure that he and his wife can always sit down and talk about problems that arise and find solutions together, he can truly become the spiritual leader that is needed in his home.

Passion

Finally, a man of God must be dedicated to keeping his marriage fresh and alive. Every week he should take his wife out on a special date. These dates should be well planned times of joy. Courting doesn't end when a couple gets married. In fact, the wedding day is the beginning of a lifetime of courting. The dating that occurred before marriage was just practice. After all, God knew that it was not good for a man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Therefore, a godly man will cherish and nourish his marriage.