 | A Red Thread, A Red Dress, And A Daughter From China Tim Kinsey, Atlanta, GA - Monday, June 16, 2003
 [The following is the first in a three-part chronicle of one family's adoption experience. Watch this space for parts two and three in the near future.]
An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.
-- Chinese Proverb
Three months ago, our lives were changed forever when my wife Laurel and I met our daughter Emerson for the first time. After a long flight to China, preceded by almost two years of waiting, we met this beautiful little girl with big dark eyes and a inquisitive look on her face.
When I'm asked what the most memorable part of our adoption experience was, there are several events that will live in my memory forever. All of these times serve to remind me of God's love, His grace, and the amazing ways that he answers prayer.
Making the Adoption Decision
Shortly after we were married in 1991, HOPE for Children, Inc. opened its doors and began placing orphans into loving, Christian homes. As Laurel and I helped with fundraising events for the agency, and as we saw families in our church welcoming orphans into their homes, we agreed that it would be great to adopt some day. Some day...but we were newlyweds, and thoughts of diapers and formula were a long way off.
In 1993, our son Landon was born. Evan came along in 1996. We fell headlong into parenthood and juggling family, careers and sanity; enjoying every bit of being a dad and a mom and seeing for the first time how much God must love us as his children as we felt the tremendous love for our boys. Our family was complete: two kids, two parents, and a house in the suburbs -- the American Dream...sort of. So what if we never got to use the "girl name" we had picked out...Emerson. It just wasn't meant to be. Or was it?
In 1999, our good friends Greg and Carol went to China and brought home a baby girl. As I held Elizabeth the night they brought her home, I marveled at how God had picked this little girl out for them. It was amazing to think of how God had rescued her from a life of poverty and abandonment. Psalm 68:6 rang loud and clear: God sets the lonely in families.
In 2001, we thought life was great. The boys were healthy and happy. The days of diapers, 2:00am feedings and endless episodes of Barney were distant memories. As we had lunch one day after church, I noticed a family across from us: a dad, a mom, and two teenage boys. "That's us in a few years", I thought. Only as I thought this, I had the very profound impression that something was missing from that family. I couldn't put my finger on it at first. But then it hit me. Looking at this family, a sort of cosmic glimpse into what my family would be like in 10 years, I realized I wanted a daughter. Hmmm....another kid? Naaaahhhh....but what if...?
A few weeks later, Laurel and I were at a wedding. As our friend Ray walked his daughter down the aisle, I thought what a remarkable feeling that must be. "I guess I won't ever get to be the father of the bride", I thought, almost regretfully.
As I told Laurel about my "daughter daydreams" some time later, she told me that she'd been praying about adopting a baby girl from China, and had asked God to put it on my heart also. After all, we had discussed adoption ten years before, right? If not now, when? I wondered what God was trying to tell me. Correction: I knew what God was telling me...I needed a daughter. And somewhere out there was a daughter who needed me. Prayers I had prayed when my sons were born came back to me: "God, if I accomplish nothing else on this earth, just let me be a good father."
But what about the money? How could we afford to adopt? Adoption is expensive, for sure, but God quickly snuffed that argument. I had known for some time that my department was being consolidated, and that my job would be ending in March 2001. However, I had been offered another position in the company when my current job ended, and amazingly, the company had agreed to pay all of us in the department a lump-sum severance payment equal to five months of our salary...even if we remained with the company. Donations from friends and family helped throughout the process as well.
We believed very strongly that China was the country we wanted to adopt our daughter from, since there were so many orphans due to the country's "one child rule", instituted in 1980 for population control. Chinese tradition dictates that sons are able to carry on the family name and help support their parents when they get older. This policy helped to perpetuate the belief that girls are not worthy to the family, so many baby girls are abandoned in public areas where they will be found. The police then take the children to a local orphanage, where they are given names and an estimated birth date, as most of them are found with no information, since it is illegal to abandon children. Those caught would lose their jobs and be fined a year's wages. In a country as poverty-stricken as China, this is quite a severe penalty.
Waiting and Praying
As we began our process in April 2001, we prayed that God would give us the girl who needed us the most and who would best fit in our family. Laurel prayed daily that our daughter would be found with a note of some sort, with her actual birthday and name, if possible. I prayed that God would bring her to us at just the right time, since we knew there would be a long wait once our paperwork went to China.
Our families were excited about the prospect of a baby girl in the family. My mother, being an expert seamstress, had sewn dresses for all the granddaughters in the family, and I was proud to tell her she'd have one more to sew for. Since I was the youngest of her four children, my last child would be her last grandchild, too. Laurel's parents were elated as well. In the winter of 2001, my mother fell ill and was in ICU for almost a month. During the times I was able to talk to her, I let her know that she had to get better since she was going to have one last granddaughter to sew for. She smiled at me, but was unable to say anything to me since she was on a respirator. Sadly, she died on December 4th. I was so heartbroken that she wouldn't get to know my daughter, and that Emerson wouldn't have a "Nonie dress" (all the grandkids called my mom "Nonie"), or some connection to my mom. I was grateful that Mom at least knew that we were adopting a daughter and was happy about it.
A month later, as my sisters and I were cleaning out mom's house to get it ready to sell, we were emptying her bedroom closet. There in the closet, in between her clothes, we found a little red dress that my mom had sewn. I couldn't believe my eyes. When did she make it? All I could think was how grateful I was that Emerson would have a Nonie dress after all. God just continues to amaze me.
To be continued... | |