After 27 years of marriage, I still don't have it right...but I have learned a few things:

1.      My wife is a gift from God...when I treat her badly, I am treating God's gift badly.  This is not a good thing.

2.    When I met my wife, she "bought" the package I sold her.  I must constantly check to see that I have not swapped what I sold her for something of lesser value.  That is cheating and not a good thing.

3.    I have learned that we will argue and she will always have the last word.  Anything I say after what she last said is the beginning of a new argument.

4.    If I ever stop treating her like my best friend, we are in for trouble.  This is not a good thing.

5.    When I think I am too good for her, I get out the Windex and clean the mirror so that I may more clearly see myself.  This is a good thing.  Sometimes, she has the Windex ready for me...OK, usually she has the Windex ready for me.

6.    Marriage means I will never be lonely...ever.  And if I find myself lonely, I must have messed up somewhere and I need to find out where...and my wife is  happily there to help me find that somewhere.

7.    You know you have found the right mate when she laughs at your stupidest joke...even if it is a courtesy laugh (and I have heard numerous courtesy laughs in my 27 plus years).

8.    I have found that wherever I go, there I am...and my wife is right there to remind me.  A good wife is not afraid to tell her husband the truth and a good husband is not too wimpy to hear the truth...and vice versa.

9.     And finally, she knows when I have had enough ESPN.

To send in your own "Tips for Newlyweds," a funny newlywed story, or marriage lessons you've learned, email us at family@ucd.net.