More "Tips From The Trenches" Monday, August 25, 2003
 I am getting married on September 6th. I have waited 10 years to date my best friend and get married, and my dreams are coming true. Planning the wedding day can be so busy, and time flies by so quickly. Make the time to have special times with your fiancée, and also pre-marriage counseling is so crucial, because you will be able to have a strong foundation for the beginning of your marriage. Don't be afraid to be VERY OPEN with your fiancée.
-- Bukola Taiwo, Rhode Island
There can be too much emphasis on the wedding instead of what happens after. I think it is important to talk about what both the man and woman expect from a marriage because we all have different ideas of what a marriage should be like. Finances and how money is going to be spent is another subject that I think needs talking about as there is a lot of spending before and after the wedding and it can be easy to get carried away just to end up financially strapped and frustrated afterwards. My husband thought I had a lot of money, only to find out two days after our honeymoon that I was actually in overdraft. He was surprised and rightly so. I was scared and embarrassed to tell him. We have come a long way since then, but I think it could have helped a lot if we were more transparent about money before.
-- A Wife in London U.K.
My wife and I have been married for five months, and one of the best bits of advice we could give is to overcommunicate. Satan is out to twist and turn everything we say to each another to spark an argument. Men ARE definitely from Mars, and women ARE from Venus. That is not a bad thing, but we say one thing and women understand something else, and vice-versa. Oercommunication, time together and learning each other's love language will prevent many 'bumps' down the road!
-- Adilson & Ivonne Lago, Orange County, CA
In my opinion, Every Woman's Desire: An Every Man's Guide to Winning the Heart of a Woman from The Every Man Series by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, Mike Yorkey is a must read for anyone who is getting/has been married.
-- Nelson Cooney, San Francisco
I think that the funniest part of this is to see the reaction when we tell people, but one of the best things that my husband and I can do if we cannot agree on something is....play "rock, scissors, paper". It has been a life saver in our marriage. You win some and you lose some, but that keeps things interesting. We use it for deciding anything from who changes a dirty diaper to picking the restaurant that we are going to eat at. I have a great book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff", and this helps us to let the little things go and not turn them into an argument. We always play "best two out of three" and laugh at the end. The loser always performs whatever task, and we seem to do it with more of a smile than we otherwise would.
-- Angela Estep, Dayton, Ohio |